Let me tell you about "Carla". Carla is an amazing woman who I worked at camp with. Carla is the mother of two wonderful girls; one in college and one in high school. She is also married to a supportive man and is a fantastic knitter.
Carla is enjoying her last few days on Earth right now. She is battling brain cancer and is making the most out of the time she has left. While her struggle has been going on, I have been living far away and am not able to be close to the community that both Carla and I belong to.
I will admit that I don't have a deep, personal connection with Carla. She was my mentor the first year at camp and we stayed friends but were not super close. Seeing her through Facebook become sick has made me realize that I wish we were closer. I wish I would have given more time to that relationship. Watching her and her family struggle though this time in life has not been easy even from this far away. Sometimes I feel strange talking to other about my sadness about Carla because I am not close to her. Why is my sadness important when there are so many others who are more affected than I am? I have felt this feeling before at the loss of acquaintances. My grief seems so small and inconsequential when I look at other people's grief.
It is mine, though. The feelings I have are real and are true representation of the love that I have for this special woman in my life. She is more than just a name. She is a caring, sweet, loving person who I know and will miss. Just because I am not Carla's best friend does not make my sadness any less real. We will all miss her in our own way.
I don't know if I will see Carla before she leaves this world. I do know that she will be up in heaven smiling down on her two beautiful girls, devoted husband, and all the numerous people her life has touched.
